Why Twitlonger??
I'm just going to paste this here so I can find it without saving it on my computer, because twitlonger is not working!!! Once Twitlonger starts working again, I might delete this (most likely not, it would feel wrong).

I just found infpblog.com, and it's so insightful. Things I've felt, but didn't realize. The first comment on the first entry I've read said, "I'm 45 and I'm still trying to figure out 'what I want to be when I grow up.'" I've always had this idea that it's too late for me to change my mind. In seventh grade, my cousin asked what high school I'm going to. I felt like I was losing time and doing something wrong because I didn't even know I could choose. I ended up going to a Catholic high school, which was actually mostly my mom's decision (one reason being LP's reputation). A similar thing happened with college applications. I went to none of the visits from colleges in the library. My parents kept throwing big names at me, but I never really had any extracurriculars, my grades were slowly declining, and there was that ordeal (ha) with the SAT. I only chose my major because I seemed to be best at it. I quickly lost my interest in it once I lost that top spot. I feel like I may have been an INFP acting like an INTP. (to be continued, because twitlonger is saying it's too long) I used to say I love logic and proofs (almost like defending my choice), but they feel kind of empty to me now, and even though it's interesting sometimes, I don't feel the same about it anymore. Before I started freshman year, I already thought I was locked into my major. My parents have already paid for two years of college, and I don't have much to show for it. I feel so uninspired. I feel stuck. I just want to be locked up in my room all day. I won't be changing my major or dropping out of school (just the idea of dropping out is horrifying), but I need help. One piece of advice I read was to do something out of routine. I just don't know what to do. (I will not take a dance class. I've done that, and I don't like it.) I might try drawing again, but big, blank papers are scary. Also, I always hesitate to press the post button, but the internet is huge, and actually putting things like this out there makes me feel a little bit lighter.

Cannot Find the Nail Polish Remover
My account of my trip to San Diego to see Patrick is still in progress and over a page in Word.

This post is non-FOB related, but I just feel like talking about myself right now. Maybe I should just have a journal on my computer, but I feel like maybe someone out there is reading and maybe can understand why I can be really awkward and feel really lonely sometimes.

So I went to Sephora last night, and since I know nothing about applying makeup and have some experience with a paintbrush, I played with the nail polish. I wanted to try on very different colors, so I painted on a berry, which I thought was kind of ugly so I added gold glitter, on my thumb.

My pointer/index/whatever finger got a pretty metallic blue, I think something with "...Boys..." in the name.

I'm not sure why I picked the next color, but it's a very bright pink, like highlighter pink, with pink glitter. I hated it after, but it's growing on me now. It reminds me of myself before high school, when I could talk to boys without overthinking everything and feeling like I need to try to be more girly, and everyone knew my favorite color was pink. I didn't even listen to rock music then...but that's a really long story, I don't know if I'll ever tell the whole thing to anyone, only my sister really knows how that went.

A dark brown went onto my ring finger, after the garish pink. It looks kind of fancy, but also kind of earthy.

I looked for an orange next, but could not find one. The last one looks like a dullish green you would use to trim a house, but metallic.

That was probably all pointless, but this is the internet, and no one reads my posts anyway (except for whoever posts in Russian on my first post), which is precisely why I came to type this long post instead of tweeting a short sentence or "updating my status" on fb to something so mundane as hesitating to fold my fingers down to see what it would look like if I put my middle finger on display (still attached to my body), which felt very unnatural and against my nature. I know certain people like to do it all the time, but seeing as I don't even use four-letter words, it makes sense. I don't even want to try it with my right hand, the nails of which are clean. Honestly, I remember doing it once when my grandma walked out of the room, after yelling at me for something that was not my fault. I'll probably never do it again.

I find myself imitating them sometimes. I wear Clan stuff, and I really do love my yikes bear shirt. I wear so much black and dress almost sloppily. I remember riding home from school one day and looking at the Chevron at the corner of Hacienda/Glendora and thinking, Why do people insist on putting up graffiti? It's vandalism, dirty and unpleasant. The world would be so much better if everything was painted white and pastel colors and we all dressed in preppy, cleanly cut 50s-ish outfits. This memory almost plays like a movie in my head. It's such a contrast to my present interests. Graffiti is art now (when you go into LA, not so much here) and prep is boring and almost annoying.

It's kind of crazy how it took force for me to listen to rock music that summer I was sixteen. My sister told me it's changed me almost completely. It was drastic, but I'm not totally different. I still hate dancing, even when I'm alone (it's a long way until I don't feel incredibly awkward about that). I still know how to ignore people who try to bully me. I used to get a rush from successfully (peacefully, yay for being a mediator!) breaking up arguments in elementary school. Being laid-back is one of the things I like about myself now. I let my hair do whatever it wants. In sixth grade, all I wanted for my birthday was straight hair. I was the only one of my cousins with curly hair. It's just wavy now, and I actually miss the springy curls.

I guess I'm just feeling weird about turning 20. Every detail has potential meaning. Time to sleep because I have class in six hours. Good night, internet.

Last First
So I couldn't go the the Hotel Cafe shows in Hollywood (in April, I think) because that place is strictly 21+.
Then I found out on ICH that Patrick was doing a free concert in Huntington Beach on August 5, 2011!! Free and all ages!!
Patrick tweeted that it would just be him and an acoustic guitar.
deleted my whiny tl;dr essay.

I whoo!ed every time Patrick was mentioned. I saw a naotalba dancing with her daughter, but I'm not social enough to approach. Two girls on my left were also Patrick fans. I recognized one from OCK. When I wouldn't sing along to the songs the dj played, the other asked, "Are you here for Patrick?" After less than an hour of people screaming radio pop for free tshirts, a dance-off with two boys and...others, and being singled out by the host for not participating, they asked us if we were ready.

When Patrick finally came onstage, it was nerve-wracking. It was my second time ever seeing Patrick! I uploaded the videos I got to youtube, but I was holding my dad's ipod touch vertically, so there are two huge rectangles on the sides. I sang along to every song (the words I knew). I didn't recognize "Everybody Wants Somebody" at first, but now I know it's definitely more awesome with the band (see a future post about San Diego). A little nine-year-old girl on my right stared at me while I sang along. I'd like to think she decided to look up Patrick and Fall Out Boy after that.

I knew Patrick had to get to Chicago for Lollapalooza the next day. Black Cards was performing that day. Patrick said he had just gotten off a plane and needed to get back on one to Chicago. As soon as he finished "This City," he walked off to the side of the stage. People went around the fence to him, but I was in the front, behind the whole crowd. I darted through and so many people were around him taking pictures. I sort of creepily took a picture of him with someone else and signing something, then the OCK girl I recognized got her picture. When she was done, I turned to her and asked if she was the name I remembered, and she was! She recognized me from OCK too. When I turned back to Patrick, he had turned to leave!

He began walking down the street with two or three people I assumed were from the radio station. I followed. They stopped at a black car i'm guessing less than 100 feet from the stage. He was thanking the people he was walking with and shook their hands. I was standing next to them and nervously shook his hand too. A guy on my right asked Patrick if he and his girl friend could have a picture because they drove a long way. The generous person he is could not refuse, and they left. After hesitating for a moment, I asked him if I could have a picture too. He said yes, of course, and I handed the camera to a guy from the radio station. While I held on to Patrick (squee!!), my phone rang (I had abandoned my friends as they fixed their eye makeup) and "From Now On We Are Enemies" started playing. I laughed, but I'm not sure how he reacted. When the picture was taken, I thanked Patrick for coming (at the time, I was not planning to go to San Diego), and he thanked me for coming and got into the car. As the car pulled away, Patrick hid his head.

Almost everyone had dispersed when I returned to my friends. We hung around the beach for a bit until it got dark.
When I showed my lola my picture, she asked if Patrick was my boyfriend, and later she told my sister to look and see my handsome boyfriend hahahaha. I uploaded the videos I got to youtube. I was so excited that I had a real updating youtube channel.

If anyone is actually reading this, you can watch my videos from Huntington Beach 8/5/11 at my youtube channel:
If it works, my picture with Patrick is below. I don't know why I look so orange. It might be the camera, or the temperature. Patrick looks so cute, but that is to be expected.

 So let's try this again.

One or two weeks ago, Bebe mentioned something about May 20 and I said I would make myself available just in case I could participate. Then I found out Black Cards was going to perform at the Young Hollywood awards. We don't have that ion channel now, but I remember it was like channel 30 when we had that digital box instead of directv. I looked on the website for how I could be there and found the venue (which I immediately looked up the directions to in case my mom would let me lurk, 21.6 mile drive, not bad) but no info on how to watch them. I pouted and thought This is a celebrity event and they don't want me there.

On Friday, May 20, I got home from school before 2 PM and got to work on my EWS homework to be submitted before 5 PM (yes, I have a horrible habit of procrastination). Around 2:30, I looked at ICH and found that there was going to be a live stream (yay!) so I clicked on it so I could prepare myself. Like with Patrick, live stream is better than nothing (though still bitter about that 21+ business). On the side or the bottom, there was a link that said "want to go to the awards on Friday?" OMG WHAT? I clicked on it and it said all I had to do was RSVP by email! Red Carpet 6 PM. Awards Ceremony 7 PM. I emailed despite the time constraints because worst case was status quo.
My dad told me my mom was going to take my car to work NOOOOO and he went somewhere. I planned to just drop my mom off at work. My uncle from Northern California visited suddenly (my cousin got married yesterday I think) and my grandpa was dressed in a suit. I kept checking my email every 5-10 minutes and the friend I spend my school days with said she couldn't go :(. I submitted my homework around 4 PM and looked at my email and found a reply! The award people thanked me for wanting to attend and told me our names would be on the list at the General Admissions table and to wear cocktail attire!! I started hyperventilating and parents and uncle were like "What's happening to you?" (yes, my dad came home, see how things are working out?) and I asked my mom if I could go downtown to the Young Hollywood Awards. She asked who I was going with and I said I didn't know. She suggested my cousin and I was like "Oh yeah!" because she likes things like this. I called her and excitedly (yelled) asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. I raised my eyebrow at the name thing because all I gave them was my first name and told them I would bring someone. I emailed them our full names just in case. I grabbed my new dress ($10 and I love it!) and said, "Good thing this is clean!" and my uncle laughed.
It was hot that day so I was kind of sweaty, but there was no time to shower! I looked for the comfy black tights but they were dirty so I asked my sister if she had any other dark-colored tights and she handed me my black tights from when I had PE Dance freshman year of high school. I hated them because they were so uncomfortable, but I was desperate. I put them on, and surprisingly they were more comfortable than the comfy black tights! (The universe really wants me to go to this!) I got dressed and put on some leave-in conditioner (why did I have to drive with the windows all the way down) and spritzed on perfume (I got the Harajuku Lovers set as a surprise on my 17th birthday, and finally it got some use!). I don't know how to use makeup so whatever. I brushed my teeth before 5:15 and waited for my sister to finish getting dressed. After much fuss, we left the house for my cousin's house at 5:37. OMG I just checked and this time it restored an autosaved draft why didn't you do this last time stupid computer grrrr...

My cousin came out quick and I decided to just take Nogales to the 60. She told me traffic there was unpredictable. I had passed that way at noon and the traffic was horrible, but I risked it since we were already there. Relatively no traffic! When we entered the freeway, I got in the carpool lane and flew past the other cars. After about 10-15 minutes, we passed the East LA Interchange (you can figure out how fast I drove). As soon as we got on the 10, the traffic was so disgusting, we sat there for like twenty minutes to go a few miles (stupid gps was no help at all). We finally exited at like 6:30-something (definitely missed red carpet). We found Club Nokia when my cousin said she saw dressed up people in a line and weren't sure where to park. I decided I would rather pay for expensive parking than walk from a cheap lot since I am a nineteen-year-old with a seventeen-year-old (18 in two weeks!) cousin and sixteen-year-old (17 in less than two weeks!). We decided on the East Entrance of the LA Live garage and were directed to a spot in P1 right next to the escalator (Friday after Friday the 13th must be the luckiest day of the year). We went up and found the general admission table and gave our names. My sister's name wasn't on the list, and the girl asked if I was told I was allowed to bring two people. I stretched the truth a little and told her I just said I was not arriving alone.
After receiving white wristbands and being directed up like five flights of stairs and through metal detectors, we went inside and there were few people. We were asked if we wanted to have our picture taken to win the new "hp veer" and we wrote our names and emails on simple forms. I wore a black feather boa with gold strings (I almost wanted to take it) and threw up a spade. The girl taking our picture with the veer phone was like "How did you guys get here?" and I said, "I'm here to see Black Cards." Then she asked, "What is that?" and some lady next to her said "I think it's a spade, or an upside down heart." I said, "It's a spade," and she replied, "Oh, I was right the first time!" The girl asked what it was for and I replied, "It's for Black Cards. :)" I put my name in the phone and we went to take our seats. It was almost empty in the front and I asked how far down we could go. A staff member told us we could go as far as the rows we were at so we sat to the right (stage left!). We sat and my cousin asked another staff member if we could move forward if no one sat there. She said they had to announce it, so we waited. They started at like 7:30 and still the rows in front of us were empty. No one moved forward, so I told her to wait until they announce it. The first celebrity we saw was Rachel Bilson. The girl next to us said she could see Topher Grace. I left my glasses in the car so I couldn't see properly, but I didn't care because none of them were in Black Cards. Celebrities filled the floor below. I saw someone in our section that looked like that little kid from that Suite Life show on Disney Channel when the get to high school and land in detention.
The Giuliana lady went up to the balcony to announce a commercial break when for the first time she said, "and a performance from Black Cards," and I suddenly screamed a loud, long, awkward, weird scream and threw my hands over my mouth. It was dead silent so I shrunk in my seat and Giuliana had to do a second take. I whispered to my cousin, "That sounded so weird." She said, "Yeah, it was." :/ I decided to just clap whenever I applauded. The comics they had were pretty good! One did a great Justin Timberlake bit "my whateva whateva shoes" and there was something about people adding -holic to everything. "are you a cookie-holic? nomnomnom...picnic betty!" Whenever they moved the microphone away from their mouths I could not stop laughing. The next time someone said Black Cards, I could not help but "Whoooo!" and this time some guy laughed. Finally they told us we could move forward and we quickly moved to the front row, in the perfect spot for Pete to see me :D. Giuliana walked by us after filming another announcement and my cousin asked her for a picture. I took it and other people in the front row began asking her for pictures. She was really nice and obliging and didn't look angry at me for earlier (though I don't think she knew exactly who it was).
When the executive producer told us the show was over, he told us not to leave because Black Cards was going to perform ("WHOOOO!!", thought it was appropriate since they weren't filming. I didn't hear anyone else sounding excited, but my own voice was filling my ears.). I was rubbing my knees and gripping the railing and shaking and the girl next to me asked who it was and I told her, "Black Cards," and when she looked confused, "Pete Wentz," to which she responded with, "Ohhhh..." One comic was reading pages of his more racist jokes while the band was getting set up. As soon as I saw Pete's jacket I felt myself throwing myself over the railing and yelled, "I LOVE YOU, PETE!!!!" and Pete threw his hand up still facing the other way. The comic said something like, "That's why I wanted to be a rock star." A girl to my right said, "Hi, Pete," but she didn't get a response. It was quiet as they were setting up and my cousin told me to say hi again. I kept telling her I was scared. It was so quiet. Then I decided to say (not yell), "Hi, Bebe," but I don't know if she heard me because I got no response. I was afraid they might be having a bad day, because no one was smiling. I screamed and WHOO'd as loudly as I could and they began to play.
The first song was "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Fame." I sat in my seat tapping my heel, singing along and kind of dancing. Pete kept glancing over and I kept looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was standing or at least singing along. Nothing. I made a spade, but no response. I thought I saw a few of the people below nodding their heads. "Do you guys want to hear another song from Black Cards?" "YES!!!!"
The second song was "Summer Nights." Pete took off his jacket. I sat in my seat and sang along. I swayed in my seat and kept looking over my shoulder. I saw three girls high up more toward the center, standing and waving their arms. I couldn't tell if any of them were singing. I asked my cousin to get up with me because I didn't want to be alone. She kept refusing and I kept shaking her arm. She complained, "You asked me to record this and you keep shaking my arm!" I couldn't stand sitting there while Black Cards was playing. I thought You know what? You already embarrassed yourself enough with all your yelling. It can't get any worse. I don't care if you can't dance. I don't want to sit. Black Cards deserves more than this. You need to be bold for once. I got up and started kind of dancing and waving my arms. I sang loudly and could not help the wide grin on my face. Pete kept looking at me and I saw him smile! My heart swelled! I threw up a spade and Bebe finally looked at me too! Pete smiled every time I saw him look at me and I felt so happy. I didn't want to cry so I momentarily distracted myself by telling my cousin and sister to get up with me, but I eventually gave up on that. I looked at the girls in the back and smiled at them. I actually felt special standing alone. This was crazy to me considering I used to hate going to the counter by myself in high school to get bottled water. Maybe I was imagining it, but I thought I noticed Pete watching me :D. My sister said later that he was and that he waved at me (which I don't really remember, maybe I was looking at Bebe at that moment). I do know that they looked at me when they crossed their wrists. I involuntarily found myself copying them haha. I was so happy, everything kind of disappeared except me and them, and I stopped...calculating, how I should move my arms and when to bend my knees. I was just feeling the music, which only happens when I'm alone in my room, usually with my eyes closed. This sounds so cheesy, but it was so new to me. I felt free.
When the song was over, I screamed as loudly as my body would let me. Everyone left the balcony as soon as the celebrities left, which happened right away. The producer said there was an after-party below for 18-21 or something like that, but my cousin and sister couldn't go. Security began motioning stragglers up and out from the balcony. The doors we came in were closed and we left down some very noisy metal stairs passed locked doors. When we got outside, we waited around to see if maybe one of them would come out, but I realized red carpet was probably the time for that and Pete would want to go home to Bronx. We left and paid $20 (Twenty dollars!!) for parking, so we decided we didn't have enough money to eat out. On the way out and back home, I played Black Cards (loud enough so people outside could enjoy). When I dropped my cousin off, I told her to put up the videos that night, and she said okay, but she fell asleep on the way home, so I assumed I'd probably have to wait a while haha.
I feel a little selfish having seen Black Cards twice within two months, but it was more than just a show. I feel confidence growing in myself. I mentioned on ICH that Black Cards is slowly helping me get over my fear and hatred of dancing. For a person who sat and talked at the table for pretty much all of her senior prom, this is huge.

 This post is a note: My account of Friday may not be in as much detail, or even more, since my computer is stupid and went back a page when I pressed backspace so everything was deleted except the TITLE. >:[  *hides face* *headdesk headdesk headdesk*
It started with Bebe posting something about May 20 and I was in the middle of talking about arriving at the venue. I had four good-size paragraphs already written. *headdesk headdesk headdesk headdesk*
I think I will do this later (it's 4:19 AM) since I clearly am not thinking straight right now. Still happy from Friday though!

I know it would make him uncomfortable because I feel uncomfortable when I am told anything positive about myself, but Pete Wentz makes me so happy. I feel a little selfish about having seen Black Cards twice within two months, but I mean, play LA as often as you guys want!


 Wheee!!!! After two weeks of waiting for a credit card to buy tickets, I finally got them on Tuesday.
I didn't care too much for Black Cards before. I really don't like ska, but once I actually listened to Black Cards songs, I realized it was more of an undertone and good music is good music. I didn't want to like Black Cards just because Pete was in it.

Today Cal Poly is observing Cesar Chavez Day, so I was good with staying out late last night.
According to my schedule for this quarter, my last class on Wednesdays ends at 3:50 PM. On Monday, prof let us go before 3 PM, but I guess that was just because it was syllabus day and we ended up getting out a few minutes after. I really wanted to get there early to get in line and get to the front. I checked online just to see if there was traffic on the way, and there was just a patch of yellow by like Crenshaw. It was almost 90 degrees yesterday (today it's 93, feels like 97), so I was really sweaty and took a shower when I got home. On top of getting out late and taking a shower, I was out of gas, so another few minutes wasted. Internet told me that the El Rey Theatre was "art deco" so before I was considering dressing up or something, but it was so hot and I wanted to be comfortable. I ended up wearing my Clan "Caged" tee and jeans. I never wear makeup anyway, so at least my look was consistent.

I ended up getting on the 60 a few minutes before 6 PM (when doors open!!). It was nice and open for twelve minutes until we drove into Los Angeles. There was horrible traffic. We were barely moving. Even the La Brea exit was gross. When we go to Wilshire, the traffic was gone and I paid $10 (ten! D:) for parking. We got there at 7 PM.

When we got inside the show was in between sets. We were standing by stage right and found we could not see at all. The girl behind us said Bad Rabbits just finished. Then it suddenly clicked. Pete is stage left!!
We went over to stage left, where they were even more tall people (I stand no more than 5'2" with my shoes on, people!). The drink the girl next to me had smelled like nail polish :/ Most people were dressed up, but whatever.

The only real concert experience I've ever had is when I saw FOB in 2009, a stadium. The bass was so loud, I could barely breathe when XV went. Even though I made faces at his dorkiness, XV was still pretty enjoyable. I crept forward every time people in front of me moved a little sideways. When the Black Cards banner? came down, I WHOOOO!!!d loudly by myself and people laughed (not in a mean way, great crowd). I wonder if anyone in BC heard me. When they were testing "Pete's vocal" I realized I was really going to see him again.
Screamed when Black Cards came out!! I remember they played "Beating In My Chest", "Dominoes", "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Fame", "Summer Nights", "Tiffany" or something, well I can't remember everything, but "Club Called Heaven" was last. I can't remember which song, but I think Bebe was singing at me. The people behind me were like a foot away and most people were there for Travie so I might've been the only one singing of some people near me. I threw up a spade near the end of one song as it was ending, but she went over to stage right. I'm so awkward and I don't know how to dance, so I tried to move a little, but I was so shy I ended up going back to just standing and singing. Screamed after each song. :)
When Black Cards finished, I remembered ICH saying they do meet and greet at the merch between Donnis and Travie, and Pete said they would try to do meet and greet if security allowed it. We went over there and I bought the last Black Cards hoodie! (picture on twitpic and fb) I voted for the tank top versus a baby tee, and I didn't even buy it haha.
The merch girl was so nice and kept calling me a nickname I don't remember (I think it was "honey"). She asked me what was on my shirt (a lot of people do) and I showed her it was Clandestine. She liked it (a lot of people also do :) ). She said there probably wouldn't be a meet and greet because security didn't want them to. I think Pete probably wanted to spend time with Bronx before he went to San Francisco today. But where where Bebe, Nate, and Spencer??
During Donnis' set, we sat on chairs on a wall (lol "sitting out dances on the wall") as I kept glancing at the merch booth. Every time someone left a space in the curtains to backstage after going through them, I tried to peer through to see if I could recognize anyone. A security guard kept closing the gaps >:|
We went to the bathroom (haha nothing graphic okay). The sinks had candy and perfume bottles all around them and a bathroom attendant handed us the paper towels to dry our hands. I'd seen something like that on tv before, but never in real life. I saw the hoodie in the mirror for the first time and it looks cool even though it's a large.
We went back to the floor for Travie's set, but there a lot more people by then so we stood on the side in the back. There was a hint of an "herbal" smell. I just stood there singing for the most part. I was hoping Pete would come out for Superbad (11:34), but he didn't. I forget after which song, but Travie and the band left the stage. People began chanting "One more song!" and "Travie!" but they didn't come out. Some people left, then we saw glowing glasses. The drummer came out and drummed to two songs. About one-third of the people left. We decided to move to the floor since we could get closer. Then Travie and the rest of the band came out again! Travie started talking about Gremlins and he said there were two rules. I kept saying all I knew was that you can't feed them after midnight. A few seconds before he said the second rule it clicked and I started yelling excitedly, "After MIdnight! After Midnight!" haha, I'm so stupid. "After Midnight (It'll Burn)" is my favorite Travie song right now. I started moving by then. Somehow, there was a much more relaxed vibe.
Travie talked about Gym Class Heroes not breaking up, they'll be on Warped Tour this summer. Then they played "Cupid's Chokehold"!! LOL I went crazy (relatively, of course). Danced and sang with my heart, as cheesy as that sounds.
Travie talked about Nate Dogg inspiring him to sing. There was a moment of silence. Then, they played a little bit of "The Next Episode" I wonder if this is a West Coast thing, but everyone bounced (haha even me a little bit, "yeeeeaaaaay.  smoke weed everyday" LOL) to this song, even I grew up knowing it (but not verbatim, obviously).
Sometime he also asked "family" to put their thumbs up. It was cute. I love his stage presence. It really was fun. :) Travie told everyone there was an after party at some place called "Hemingway's" or whatever. Tim William was going to perform. He wanted as many people as possible to get in (so cute, this man!). We assumed it was a club. Since we're 19, we wouldn't be able to get in so we decided to just get food somewhere.

I didn't want to leave yet, but security was flashing flashlights around and motioning for everyone to leave. As we walked toward the lobby, a girl stopped me and asked me how much the hoodie was. I told her I recognized her from her picture on OCK! I can't remember her username, but I remember her location was "L. A". As we walked through the lobby, there was a guy leaning on the wall, texting. I pulled Desiree aside to ask her if I should ask him if his name was Nate, because he really looked like Nate (from Black Cards). A few seconds after staring at him, I decided his build was too small and he wasn't even wearing the same clothes. We walked out of the building and people kept handing us little flyers. I didn't want to deny them, so I took them. As we were walking down the street, I realized I could barely hear anything. It was so quiet I couldn't hear any traffic on the street. It was the weirdest feeling. Almost kind of helpless. I didn't want to be driving and not hear sirens.
The parking spaces were so small, and we were in such a hurry that I rushed when I parked. When we got there, my parking was perfect! Just an ego boost for me. :)
Since we were already in West LA, I decided we should check out Angels & Kings to see if maybe Black Cards was hanging around, even though we agreed it was very unlikely. When we go there, the road was blocked across the street. I wonder if they were filming because there were vans and some kind of huge machine was doing something (so descriptive, right? idk how to describe it, i had to turn right).
Most places were closed so we decided to go home to get food. We went into In-N-Out, but I didn't feel like it, so we kept cruising around looking for something to eat. McDonald's was closed :/. I really don't like Taco Bell, but it's cheap and I was tired of driving. I always got a Nacho Cheese Chalupa when I was little, so I ordered one. I kept mentioning how cute Pete looked that night, though a little sad. I also kept whining about not getting to talk to him, or meet any of Black Cards.
In entirety, it was a fun night and I hope Black Cards and Travie both come back soon! I'd also love it if Patrick played a show I could get into (i.e. not 21+). I don't have as much fun listening to The Damned Things, but I still enjoy their music and maybe I'll get to see them too.

Finally went to Angels & Kings!
I turned 19 on September 17, 2010! It still feels weird.

I got my driver's license in January. My mom wouldn't let me drive out of the SGV (but I could drive a little into Orange County). I thought if I could handle Pasadena, I could handle LA. I now know my parents were right. 101 is ridiculous and I had to honk twice. I was driving from Knott's Berry Farm after a day of some fun, then agonizing nausea, throwing up twice, over an hour long nap in First Aid, then a nice lunch, then twice on Bigfoot Rapids (no lines), drying leisurely in the sun, then an actually fun ride on Jaguar. Got lost a little bit trying to find the 5 after, made a couple u-turns.

I did not know A&K was actually on Hollywood with the entrance on Las Palmas. Went around twice looking for the building. Parked at a meter right in front of the entrance, and some guy parked at the one behind me. Found some quarters, but the meter said DO NOT PARK/TOW AWAY. We freaked out and I asked a guy walking what was going on and he said we couldn't park there at the time, and he parked a little up the street. I thanked him and we went to follow him, but someone behind me was honking and we lost the guy so we just paid the $12 for parking right behind the building.

I took a couple pictures of the view from Hollywood Blvd (the logo is so small!), one of the door, and one of the sign the guy put outside of their prices. He told us they were open, but I hesitated and as we moved toward the doorway he asked for IDs. We asked if we had to be 21, and of course he said yes. We told the lady next to him that it was my bday and I asked if they had the mug shot thing. She said they did, but we could only do that because we're not of bar age (there was that thing about another A&K serving underage people, but idk if they were minors). It smelled so good when we walked inside (i have something for smells. i don't like the smell of old building.), but it was so dark and I didn't have time to take pictures of the inside. The mug shot thing is actually like a booth, a space with a curtain. The lady handed me the square thing, told me to stand close to the wall (so we can all see how short I am), and tried to get the lights on because my phone has no flash (i kept telling myself before to remember a camera :/). Even with the lights on, the picture was really dark and blurry, but I'm happy all the same. I know it's supposed to be like a mug shot, but my face slowly turned into a smile while someone tried to figure out how to work my phone. There's actually a door out to the street from the booth :( but I'm just glad she actually let us in :).

I had planned to get there earlier to go shopping on Melrose, but we left Knott's Berry Farm at closing and there was traffic so it was already dark when we even got to Hollywood. Even though not everything went as I'd hoped, I got my picture. That was all I really wanted. It was a great birthday.

P.S. First day of my sophomore year of college in 11 hrs!! I still feel like a freshman.
Not sure how to add photos to this, maybe later.

Licensed to NOT KILL
So I passed my driving test on January 13, 2010! I took it all the way in Pomona because it seemed like it would be more difficult to pass in West Covina. Of course after like a month of no rain, it rains on my test day. I actually got there a half hour early (I've been early for everything this quarter)! I hated waiting, but I think I was a lot calmer than I usually am.
I think the lady in front of me doesn't speak English because she had another worker translate for her in the building and outside her examiner was yelling and talking to her in the car for a while. When other examiners got in the car, they put on their seatbelts and the cars pulled out. I thought maybe she has an issue with accents, but I went in later someone just took a motorcycle test in Spanish, so they probably have driving tests in Chinese. I don't think it's safe to drive if you can't speak/read English. You need to comprehend the signs immediately. I guess as long as they understand all the signs in a class it might be okay.
I got 12 deductions (I think fifteen fails you). All for not turning my head left and right as I glide through intersections (I do it every time now) and one other thing. The examiner told me to park so I did. Then he said, "Back up until I tell you to stop." I was already parked so I just thought okay and put the car in reverse and lightly lessened the pressure on the brake. He wasn't saying anything so I turned to look at him and he was staring at me. AHH!! I'm supposed to turn around!! I whipped my head around and he said, "Okay stop. Put it in park--uh, let's go."

On Saturday (January 16), I went on the freeway for the first time. Of course we went east, to Montclair, then Ontario (looking for a Sharlene's dress),then west/north to Azusa. I'd like to go into LA soon. It's like a challenge.
We ended up leaving at night. Apparently I go too fast when I'm in the rightmost lane and I merge too quickly. I did get better on the way back. I think Sharlene was afraid to ride in the car with me (I would be afraid too, I hurt myself when I'm walking). Regina says I brake too quickly. That's only when I'm a little frustrated or in a hurry (not a good thing).

Today (January 19), I drove to school alone. The stupid parking permit was $96. ??!!!!  I didn't really know how the parking lot was mapped out, so I parked like a half mile away up hills from my building. It was freezing (and raining) when I had to get back to the car. These storms need to pass quickly. I miss taking showers that don't feel like I'm being punished and just wearing tshirts. There was a tornado warning in the OC! Lucky there was no real threat to us. I love where I live. I also liked that the news actually showed La Puente a couple times in the weather report (just because they zoomed in and went north enough). We don't really get our own weather forecast. There's Downtown LA, Pasadena, and Ontario. Pasadena is actually our area, but it's by the mountains so it's hotter here, and Ontario is like in the desert so it's hotter there. There's this empty space that would easily accommodate something like "El Monte" or "Covina", but I guess they think Pasadena's enough.

That was a boring post, but really I think it's for my own reference. Also, still waiting on my actual plastic license to come in the mail. I wonder if Patrick got one yet.
Last time it said my location was Azusa, now it says Baldwin Park. Well, at least they're getting closer.

i forgot to put the picture in with the last post

(if it shows up) my Meet & Greet picture! they all have such great hair and that mess on my head is the result of running around making Andy's shirt in ten minutes in the last half hour before i left the house and stressing out about my debut the next day and getting all the way down to Irvine so i'm not late for the M&G. i know my face looks silly, but i was so happy and my cheeks and eyes get like that when i'm really really amused. i'm such a dork carrying all those things. i couldn't put my arm around Joe! :(
i still think it's a good picture though. :D

Also that September was my luckiest month ever.

Meet & Greet!!!! (finally)
I copied and pasted what i posted at OCK.

" Well I can't remember very well, but here is what happened on September 18, 2009:
My heart was thumping so hard because i thought i was going to be late for the Meet and Greet (BE SURE TO READ YOUR EMAIL THOROUGHLY BECAUSE I ALMOST DIDN'T GET THE WRISTBAND UNTIL MY SISTER POINTED OUT THAT I NEEDED TO CHECK IN AT THE BOX OFFICE). so we actually waited for an hour until someone got us. they took my fabric markers and said they would hold them (but grr they threw them away instead). walked a long way to backstage where there was a table with four chairs. We got in a line and I was so nervous my teeth were chattering, but talking to the girl next to me calmed me down (and it was hot, so i would have been taking a nap had i been at home).
then down the path walk PATRICK, ANDY, JOE, AND PETE. i only cried for a few seconds this time.
I go up to table just staring at Patrick.
girl hands Patrick letter.
me: AAHHH! oh no! that's what i forgot! i was always thinking i was going to write you a letter but i forgot. (rambles or quiet when nervous)
Patrick: Hi!
me: hi... *hands over picture*
Patrick: cute drawing.
me: my cousin drew it. she wants your autographs. (that's ALL I SAID????)
real quick like i pull out shirt
me: this is for you, Andy
Andy says something i don't remember.
Joe: oh, it's ice cream!
me: it's your head as an ice cream...scoop...of ice cream...
the picture gets to Joe.
Joe: why am i short??
Pete something like: dude, why are you so short??
me: i know!! my cousin drew it! i told her you're the tallest one and she didn't want to change it.
Joe has the best signature. :]
Pete says something i don't remember.
me: and this is a picture of you from last thursday.
Pete: do you want it signed?
me not wanting to get in trouble: umm...i don't know! ...if you can! thank you!!
Andy puts the tshirt on himself for everyone's picture!!!! ^-^
Patrick stands there adorably. When it's my turn i stand there and say "do i put my bag on the floor? am i supposed to?"
security says "you can if you want, and if you do no one is going to steal it (giggle giggle)"
me: i'll just keep it on
I go straight to Patrick.
me: can i have a hug please?
Patrick: yeah!
i turn to Joe: can i have a hug from you too?
Joe: sure!
i turn to Andy: can i have a hug, please, Andy?
Joe: oh yeah! Andy loves hugs.
Andy now denies that he did not look amused.
I stand with Patrick and Joe and we take the picture.
me: thank you!
Andy smiles at me when i look at him from the side! and keeps staring at me. I just keep smiling at him. :]
when we have to leave, I try to walk backwards, but it's uphill and i'm super clumsy so i just keep looking back at them until they go away.
boring story, but i had to share! "

i guess it wasn't bad for my first time, and now i'm remembered! (by Andy at least)


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